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Susan Fee

In This Issue

News & Notes:  Sound of Silence

Topic of the Month: Power of Silence

Questions for Reflection

Action Step

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News & Notes: Sound of Silence

As a soccer mom, I have been silenced!  Parents of young athletes may be familiar with the relatively new rule of “Silent Week.”  That’s when parents are told to be quiet during games except to share encouragement.  In other words – no coaching from the sidelines! 

 

This makes a lot of sense.  Hearing multiple directives confuses kids, especially when one of those voices is a parent whose criticism seems to sail over the top of everyone else’s.  Too bad we need an official rule to tell us this, but we do.  I became very aware of how often I say what to do versus offer encouragement.  In this newsletter issue I will explore the power of silence.

On a side note, I was anything but silent last month while ziplining over the trees in Costa Rica.  My screams rivaled Tarzan’s, for sure.  If you’d like to take a peek at my adventure, check out my blog.

 

Until next month,

Susan Fee

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Topic of the Month:  Power of Silence

Think about all the powerful ways silence is used:  Actors use dramatic pauses to make a point, TV and radio ads catch our attention by going silent for part of the message, we give the silent treatment to those we want to hurt, and experts have warned us that “silence can be deadly.”  How do use silence?

Some people relish silence and others are extremely uncomfortable with it.  I’ve often experimented with this idea in my workshops – I’ll just stop talking.  I’m still present, make eye contact with folks, smile, and just wait to see what happens.  On average, audiences can bare it for about 5-7 seconds.  Then someone laughs, coughs, or makes a joke.  Westerners in particular are very uncomfortable with such a void.  Yet, you can also use that to your advantage.  Here are three ways to use silence for a positive effect:

Pause in place of fillers.  Stringing together your thoughts with fillers like “um” or “you know” makes you sound weak.  Political speech coach Roger Ailes has said that the main thing he teaches candidates is to stop talking! Silence is far more commanding than non-stop banter.  It’s the difference between reading a run on sentence without punctuation and one that is well crafted and to the point. 

Wait a beat.  If you’re delivering a planned presentation or speaking impromptu, wait one beat before you start speaking.  Notice how you grab attention.  Do the same at the very end.  Rather than end and walk off while you’re saying thanks, finish and wait one beat.  The silence serves as bookends on either side of your ideas.

Encourage participation.  Become aware of how well you tolerate silence when seeking the opinions of others.  If you ask a question, wait for the answer in silence versus filling in the space with your own suggestions.  This is especially good homework if you’re raising a teenager! 

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Questions for Reflection

Do you ever use silence to hurt others?  What’s preventing you from speaking up?

How much time do you spend in total silence each day?  What effect does silence have on you?

What makes you feel more in control, talking or being silent?

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 Action Step

Monitor your use of silence.  Do you tend to interrupt or talk for others in order to avoid silence?  Do others ask you to engage more because you are too silent?  Silence can be used to help or hurt relationships.  Challenge yourself to use it in healthy ways.

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Interested in booking training or coaching?  Let me know how I can help, Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

 

Susan Fee is a licensed counselor, personal coach, and national speaker.  She is the author of Positive First Impressions, Dealing with Difficult People, Building Resiliency, Secrets of Successful Presentations, and the college survival guide, My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy!  She can be reached through her Web site at www.susanfee.com or by email at Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 2009