Products by

Susan Fee

In This Issue

News & Notes:  Stopping Button Pushers

Topic of the Month:  Assert Yourself!

Questions for Reflection

Action Step

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News & Notes: Stopping Button Pushers

Do you know a button pusher?  They are the difficult people in your life who know exactly what to say or do to get your blood boiling.  But, in order for a button pusher to be effective, someone had to reveal your panel.  If you feel taken advantage of by a button pusher, it’s possible to improve your situation by setting healthier boundaries.

Dealing with difficult people can be challenging, but they don’t have to control your life.  If you’re ready to take back your power, you’ll be interested in my latest e-seminar, Dealing with Difficult People:  How to Protect Yourself from Professional Button Pushers.  My e-seminars include a 60-minute podcast and PDF workbook that you can download immediately and listen to repeatedly by saving the files to your computer.

 

If your difficult person is a chronic complainer or likes to “vent” to you for hours on end, be sure to check out my new YouTube videos for tips on how to respond.  Hint:  you’ll need to speak assertively and that’s what this month’s issue is all about.

Until next month,

Susan Fee

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Topic of the Month: Assert Yourself!

When dealing with a particularly aggressive person, many people feel you must adopt an aggressive style in return.  The other option is to become passive to avoid a conflict.  But, neither passive or aggressive communication styles are effective in the long run.  Here are some signs to help you determine your current communication style. 

Aggressive communicators care most about their own point of view.  They feel a need to compete, have the last word, and anger quickly.  Passive communicators seek to avoid conflict by allowing their rights to be violated. They often feel stressed, resentful, and conflicted about honestly sharing their feelings.  Assertive communicators respect their own rights and the rights of others.   They express their feelings easily, manage stress well, and maintain healthy relationships.  If you’re ready to assert yourself, here are some tips:

Make your point.  Avoid qualifying what you say with phrases such as, “This may be a stupid question” or “This may sound dumb, but.”  These phrases undermine your abilities in the minds of others and make you sound less confident.

Eliminate fillers.  Words such as, “um,” or “you know,” or “like,” muddle your message and make you sound unsure of yourself.  Pause in place of fillers and you’ll command far more attention.

Monitor your volume.  Speaking too softly detracts from your message and communicates weakness.  Speak loudly enough so that people can hear you the first time, but not so loudly that it makes them back away.

Avoid uptalk.  Statements delivered with an upward pitch sound as if you’re questioning yourself.  This confusing way of speaking is referred to as uptalk.  Speak with authority by ending statements with a downward pitch.

Ask for feedback.  Assertive communicators aren’t afraid to hear opposing points of view.  Ask others to share their opinions and ideas, even if they oppose your own.  Healthy relationships are maintained by respecting others as well as yourself.

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Questions for Reflection

Based on the descriptions above, how would you describe your current communication style:  aggressive, assertive, or passive?

What behaviors do you need to maintain or change to adopt an assertive style?

How would your relationships benefit from speaking assertively on a consistent basis?

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 Action Step

Choose one of the behaviors listed above and consciously practice it for the next seven days.  Notice the responses you receive.

 

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Interested in booking training or coaching?  Let me know how I can help, Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

 

Susan Fee is a professional clinical counselor, personal coach, and national speaker.  She is the author of Positive First Impressions, Dealing with Difficult People, Dealing with Mean girls, Building Resiliency, Secrets of Successful Presentations, and the college survival guide, My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy!  She can be reached through her Web site at www.susanfee.com or by email at Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 2009