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Susan Fee

In This Issue

News & Notes:  Little Kids, Big Goals

Topic of the Month: Socializing with Ease

Questions for Reflection

Action Step

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News & Notes: Little Kids, Big Goals

Think back for a moment to being in elementary school.  How would you describe yourself back then?  What parts of you today reflect that young kid?  The messages (positive or negative) we learned about ourselves in childhood often linger into adulthood.  That’s why much of my work centers on teaching young girls about maintaining a positive self-image.  That’s the message I want to stick. 

This fall I became a coach for a non-profit organization called Girls on the Run.  While the stated goal was to run a 5K (which we did on November 22) our underlying purpose was to boost self-confidence and help girls become their own best cheerleaders for life.  To see how “my girls” went from shy introverts to enthusiastic extroverts, check out my blog!

And, while you’re there, please check out my end-of-the-year offer.  If you’re looking for affordable gifts to say thank you, stuff stockings, or exchange with others, tips booklets are an excellent choice.  Just scroll down on the blog to read how the deal is sweeter right now. 

Until next month,

Susan Fee

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Topic of the Month: Socializing with Ease

My good friend and colleague Patti Bertschler is a self-described introvert, but you’d never know it.  She’s a counselor, mediator, speaker and author who says she still feels painfully shy in public settings.  Yet, she’s learned to manage her social discomfort enough so that it’s not a detriment.  Lucky for us, Patti has shared her secrets in a new publication called, 88 Tips for Shy Introverts: Becoming Personally and Professionally Assertive.

As Patti writes, “Shyness can manifest itself in a lack of confidence, discomfort in social settings such as work and parties, inability to think quickly on your feet, and more.”  If you feel yourself dreading the social expectations of the holiday season and coming up with creative excuses to get out of the company party, stop!  Instead, use Patti’s tips to ease your anxiety at the next holiday gathering: 

 

Introduce yourself first.  Then ask and repeat his/her name.  Say, “Joe, what brings you here?” or “Ann, how do you know our host?” to get the ball rolling.

Attend parties armed.  Prepare a list of non-controversial topics (world news, sports, local interest).  Ask, “Have you heard about (topic)?  What’s your opinion about it?”  Interesting people are interested in others.

Invite more conversation.  If you’re at a loss to contribute to a conversation, say to the speaker, “That’s so interesting.  Tell me more.”

Show fascination.  When meeting people at a party, use good eye contact and smile.  Both indicate you are approachable and relaxed.

Remember details.  Recall a few details that a speaker uses in conversation to use at another event you may attend together.  You may even follow up with a short note or news clipping about the speaker’s interests to show you care.

Patti also suggests that introverts practice initiating conversations when there is a low degree of threat such as with store clerks, waiters, or someone standing in line next to you.  Say hello or offer a compliment.  “Putting others at ease is a first step in gaining confidence and setting a comfortable tone for conversation.”  To order a copy of Patti’s booklet, contact her at Northcoast Conflict Solutions. 

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Questions for Reflection

How has shyness (or lack of) impacted your relationships and/or career opportunities?

What social situation is the most challenging for you to feel comfortable in?  What can you do to prepare yourself to be more successful?

Think of someone you know who is confident at socializing.  If you were going to act more like this person, what would you do?

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 Action Step

Introduce yourself to at least three new people this week.  Initiate a conversation (in person, not online or by text).  Ask questions to show interest and share a little bit about yourself to extend the discussion. 

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Interested in booking training or coaching?  Let me know how I can help, Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

 

Susan Fee is a licensed counselor, personal coach, and national speaker.  She is the author of Positive First Impressions, Dealing with Difficult People, Dealing with Mean girls, Building Resiliency, Secrets of Successful Presentations, and the college survival guide, My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy!  She can be reached through her Web site at www.susanfee.com or by email at Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 2009